Shield or Sword? How Great Leaders Help Teams Drop Defensiveness and Thrive

Defensiveness can quickly derail communication and block collaboration. It’s a common reaction, but one that often limits growth. When someone feels criticised or misunderstood, they can easily become defensive. But why does this happen? More importantly, how can leaders help their teams develop self-awareness, make better choices, and create healthier work environments?

The answer lies in the science of our brains. By understanding the neuroscience behind defensiveness, leaders can guide their teams toward more thoughtful and productive responses.

The Brain’s Response to Defensiveness: A Primitive Protection Mechanism

Defensiveness is a built-in survival response that goes back to our ancestors. When we perceive a threat, whether it’s a tiger in the jungle or feedback at work, our brain jumps into action. The amygdala, a small part of the brain, triggers the “fight-or-flight” response.

While there’s no physical danger at work, our brain doesn’t always know the difference. Criticism from a boss or a disagreement with a colleague can feel like threats, and the amygdala prepares us to defend with "spears" (verbal jabs, excuses) or shield ourselves from harm (shutting down, avoiding conversation). While this protects us emotionally, it can also block healthy dialogue.

How Leaders Can Help People Become More Self-Aware

The good news is that while defensiveness is natural, it can be managed. Self-awareness is key to shifting from reacting impulsively to responding thoughtfully. Leaders can help by encouraging their team members to recognise emotional triggers—situations that make them feel defensive.

Think of it as giving people a chance to put down their spears and shields. Neuroscience shows that mindfulness—the practice of being aware of our thoughts and feelings in the moment—helps the brain move from reactive to reflective. By pausing to acknowledge their feelings, people activate the prefrontal cortex—the part of the brain responsible for reasoning—allowing them to choose a better response.

Leaders can encourage this reflection through regular check-ins, not just about work but about what’s happening internally. It’s not about avoiding tough conversations but creating a space where people feel safe enough to drop their defences and engage honestly.

Moving from Reaction to Response

The shift from reacting defensively to responding thoughtfully can transform individuals and teams. Leaders play a crucial role in modelling this shift.

One key strategy is fostering psychological safety. When team members feel safe, they’re less likely to view feedback as a threat. They know they can express their thoughts, take risks, and make mistakes without fear.

Leaders can create psychological safety by being open about their own experiences with defensiveness. If a leader admits, “I got defensive in that meeting because I felt criticised,” they set an example of vulnerability and self-awareness. This encourages others to reflect on their reactions too.

Leaders should also encourage curiosity instead of judgment. When someone becomes defensive, rather than shutting them down, a leader might ask, “I noticed you seemed upset—what’s going on?” This shifts the focus from blame to learning and growth.

Empowering People to Make Better Choices

Once people become self-aware, they can choose how they respond to challenges. This isn’t about avoiding conflict—it’s about empowering people to control their behaviour and create positive outcomes.

Leaders can support this by offering resources like emotional intelligence training or coaching. Constructive feedback helps too. For example, instead of saying, “You got defensive in that meeting,” a leader might ask, “What was going through your mind when we discussed the project deadline?” This opens the door for reflection without putting the person on the defensive.

Leaders should encourage people to view defensiveness as a learning opportunity. It’s a chance to understand oneself better and improve responses. When leaders celebrate small improvements, it reinforces a culture of growth, where making thoughtful choices becomes the norm.

Conclusion: Helping People Choose Better Outcomes

Leadership is about building relationships, and defensiveness can get in the way. By understanding the neuroscience behind defensiveness and helping people become more self-aware, leaders can empower their teams to respond with intention, not impulse.

Great leadership is about guiding people to put down their spears and shields and engage with openness, curiosity, and growth. When teams feel supported in this way, they can navigate challenges more effectively, building stronger relationships and achieving better outcomes.